The wedding guest list debacle: who to invite?

Early in the wedding-planning journey, you are sure to stumble upon the question of whom to invite to your wedding and whom you can leave off your guest list. You and your soon-to-be spouse, and his/her and your family, may get into tiffs over this topic. In fact, in my experience, the issue is all too often ground zero for feuding. This is where destination weddings have an edge: when there is travel involved, often times those questionable guests will fall to the wayside and become an non-issue. But there are some people you will have to deal with. While there are some basic questions you need to ask– what is your budget? people equals money!– there are some landmines you may want to avoid, or handle appropriately. Here, we provide you with some hot-button guests and how to handle the question of whether to invite or not:

• Children: This is often times the first group to be left off the seating chart, mainly because, as they can be unpredictable rambunctious monkeys at times, and hold the power to ruin a beautiful event. We say, if you can’t stomach children and their unpredictable nature, you can leave them off the guest list. But, be prepared for some fallout. Some people may not be able to make it to your wedding, especially in the case of a destination wedding. Providing babysitting services is one way to say “kids are welcome,” but know that some parents may not like the idea of leaving their precious offspring with a stranger. You also have to keep in mind the caregiver-to-child ratio: one babysitter to a roomful of children is not going to work out.
• Coworkers: You see these people everyday… often not by choice, so it is perfectly OK to leave these people off your guest list. You are, in the essence of good taste, urged to explain to them that you are on a budget and have to keep your list to family and long-time friends. If your office throws you a shower, then the question is tricky. If you insisted on a shower, then it is TACKY– all caps!– to not invite them. But if it is a surprise shower, then you are obligated to at least say thanks. But this is by no means– they surprised YOU– a cause to invite them if you budget and tastes doesn’t allow it.
• Distant relatives: If you haven’t seen them in two years, and the time before that, ten years, you are not obligated to invite them. You can invite them, and they may not show up. Remember, they feel about you probably the same way you feel about them. “What’s your last name again? Are you still in the Army?” (When you were never in the Army!)
• Relatives you can’t stand: Sorry, but depending on how close they are on the family tree, you may have to invite them regardless of feelings. There is one exception: If Auntie Meredith has a knack for ruining events by getting drunk and brawling, then it is OK to leave her off the guest list. Maybe she’ll get the point and get some help.
• Friends from long ago: So what? You were on the lacrosse team in high school and were in a sorority in college, but that doesn’t mean you have to invite the entire gang to your wedding. If you haven’t spoken to these folks in a decade, then the invite might be seen as a ploy to collect gifts.