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• In the case of a destination wedding and fluffy gowns, being considerate in this department is super important, as it could batter a friendship. We know of one bride who paid for her bridemaids’ gowns for her destination wedding as a sort of nod to say, hey, “it’s important to me that you are there.” High five sister. Conversely, we know of one girl who made her bridesmaids–14 of them, most traveling from out of town– buy $300 designer gowns, pay for an outlandish catered shower, an extravagant bachelorette party, and a pricy trip to the salon for pre-wedding primping. OK lady, it’s your day; we get it. But please be considerate.
• Dictating every style choice for your bridesmaids can be a little annoying. As women get married later in life, and have bridesmaids that are also a little set in their adult ways, it’s fast becoming a no-no to tell a grown woman that she has to wear the same pink eyeshadow and peach nail polish, or that she has to wear her hair in a lacquered-to-her-head french twist, even if she sports a pixie do. Give your gals some guidelines– soft and natural, muted, hair swept up, shades of purple–and be easy about it. We are big girls now.
• OK, Mimi has been gaining weight steadily since college. Chances are, Mimi knows this. She may be battling her weight. She’s been chubby since your 28th birthday party in Vegas. That said, telling her she has to lose weight for your wedding is highly insensitive. Always be supportive of pals facing weighty issues; but don’t dictate. Be understanding; it’s a journey. You love her for who she is, no matter the size, right?
• On that note, new moms are delicate flowers. If you have a gal in your wedding party that just had a baby you need to be ultra patient. Being a new mom is ice-water shocking. You lose sleep. You don’t have time to shower, much less plan a shower. So if Betty forgets a fitting, give her a break.

• Children: This is often times the first group to be left off the seating chart, mainly because, as they can be unpredictable rambunctious monkeys at times, and hold the power to ruin a beautiful event. We say, if you can’t stomach children and their unpredictable nature, you can leave them off the guest list. But, be prepared for some fallout. Some people may not be able to make it to your wedding, especially in the case of a destination wedding. Providing babysitting services is one way to say “kids are welcome,” but know that some parents may not like the idea of leaving their precious offspring with a stranger. You also have to keep in mind the caregiver-to-child ratio: one babysitter to a roomful of children is not going to work out.
• Coworkers: You see these people everyday… often not by choice, so it is perfectly OK to leave these people off your guest list. You are, in the essence of good taste, urged to explain to them that you are on a budget and have to keep your list to family and long-time friends. If your office throws you a shower, then the question is tricky. If you insisted on a shower, then it is TACKY– all caps!– to not invite them. But if it is a surprise shower, then you are obligated to at least say thanks. But this is by no means– they surprised YOU– a cause to invite them if you budget and tastes doesn’t allow it.
• Distant relatives: If you haven’t seen them in two years, and the time before that, ten years, you are not obligated to invite them. You can invite them, and they may not show up. Remember, they feel about you probably the same way you feel about them. “What’s your last name again? Are you still in the Army?” (When you were never in the Army!)
• Relatives you can’t stand: Sorry, but depending on how close they are on the family tree, you may have to invite them regardless of feelings. There is one exception: If Auntie Meredith has a knack for ruining events by getting drunk and brawling, then it is OK to leave her off the guess list. Maybe she’ll get the point and get some help.
• Friends from long ago: So what? You were on the lacrosse team in high school and were in a sorority in college, but that doesn’t mean you have to invite the entire gang to your wedding. If you haven’t spoken to these folks in a decade, then the invite might be seen as a ploy to collect gifts.

Few people can watch the television hit Bridezillas without wanting to jump on screen and slap the bride. True, today’s brides seem to want things their way on “their day” or the highway, which is a bridal euphemism for an all-out tantrum. It’s gotten really tacky, ladies. Well, syndicated columnist Miss Manners, also known as Judith Martin, is here to save the day with her new book, co-written by daughter Jacobina Martin: Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. The book, released in January, teaches modern brides how to have a tasteful wedding without all the muss and fuss that will have your friends and relatives talking about you for years. According to the publisher, it snubs the disgustingly lavish and self-serving weddings we see on TV. The book is both preachy-- this is Miss Manners we are dealing with-- and comical-- her daughter teaches improv in Chicago. If you want a taste for Miss Manners' style, check out this latest Washington Post Q&A, click HERE. To purchase Miss Manners’ book, click the picture below.